Dependent or Partner? Which Do You Want to Be?

Are you a Dependent or a Partner by Destini Taylor

Now I’m going to take you through a process and I want you to think about whether or not this is your process or the process of someone you know.

Take the Time to Understand the White Lies…

You wake up at about noon because you stayed up the night before watching a drama series. You make up the bed, you wash some clothes, you clean up and then you relocate to the couch so you can continue watching the series. A few hours go by and you decide that you are going to be extra nice and cook dinner for your partner, who has been gone all day producing income. You do this same routine every single day and your partner does the same. Suddenly your partner seems unattentive, unresponsive, stressed out, and from your perspective, unappreciative. You tell yourself that your partner’s behavior is unacceptable, especially since you spent the day cleaning, cooking, washing, and watching television, but we can leave that last one out for now. After all, you deserve to be able to rest your feet after all of the things that you completed that day right? Wrong, but let’s just continue…

Now your partner seems to be leaving home earlier and staying out later and at this point, you feel this is just plain disrespectful. How dare your partner disrespect the household. This is totally inconsiderate, right? Once again, you’re wrong. You’ve told yourself that you deserve someone that comes home at a decent hour. You’ve convinced yourself that your partner should be grateful for the meals you’ve cooked and the fact that you cleaned up. You now start to feel unloved and unwanted and you can’t understand why your partner never takes you out anywhere or initiates doing anything with you. Well, let me help you understand these White Lies that you’ve told yourself. How much money did you make in the last 30 days with this daily routine you’ve developed? Would you be able to handle all of the financial responsibilities if your partner decided to leave and not come back? I’ll let that marinate…

Put the EFFORT into Recognizing the Purple Truth

If you’re in a relationship and you’re not producing income, everything you’re doing is null and void because your “partner” is the one carrying the weight. That’s great that you’re cooking, you’re cleaning, you’re intimate, you’re fun to be around, and perhaps when your partner comes home you create a household of high vibrations, but at the end of the day, you’re not producing income.

Do you know what happens when you’re not producing income? Your partner becomes stressed and will start eating out before coming home. Your partner becomes too tired for intimacy and the vibrations in your household that were once so high start to decrease. “Why,” you ask yourself? “I do everything,” is what you will tell yourself. The Purple Truth of the matter is “you” became the problem. You used to be the solution to a problem and by not producing you’ve turned into the problem that your partner will start, or may have already started looking for a solution to. So I’ll ask you again, do you want to be a partner or a dependent? Well, I want to be a partner. How about you?

Take Action to Change Your Circumstances

There are 24 hours in a day and you’re wasting about 16-20 of them, give or take a few hours for sleep. Do something different. A partnership requires T.E.A. (Time, Effort, Action) into every aspect of its existence. You’re exhausted because you’re utilizing the bulk of your energy in areas that are not generating income. Not only that, the remaining energy you have is being used to criticize all of the things your partner is not doing to appease your emotions. Emotions do not pay bills. When you begin to analyze the problems in your relationship, you should always start with self-evaluation. You should be focusing on what you can do to provide balance in your partnership and really take a moment to analyze which one of you is being selfish, inconsiderate, disrespectful, etc… You will never find a solution if you don’t fix the problem within yourself first. I did a segment on this subject on the Destini Unfiltered Podcast. Go check it out!

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