Category: Creative Therapy

I want to clarify that I only wrote my own verses, the hook, and the break. This song was co-written with SWISHA. The song truly was the beginning of the end. It started out as me supporting a friend only to discover there was no reciprocity once I needed support to push the song. I discovered how important it is to understand who you surround yourself with as sometimes the ones closest to you are the same ones hoping that you will fail.

Sometimes when we don’t properly address our pain, it prevents us from fulfilling our purpose. It limits our opportunities and keeps us stagnant. When my dad passed away, he was determined to help me face my pain.

He knew that I had the ability to heal myself, but I could never do it with avoidance.

It was the subconscious intervention of my beloved father that

brought “The Conversation” to life.

Have you ever had a side chick call and ask you for advice? The side chick basically wants to be a better side chick for your fiancé, and you are the most qualified to guide her? No? Well, you’re in luck!

I have and this scenario along with others concerning a side chick that was responsible for the birth of my song, “Is You Mad or Nah?”

Produced by 88 K3yz and engineered by Finger Roll with No Tamin Entertainment.

How many of you are in relationships with someone who consistently lies, cheats, and betrays you? That was me. I reached a point where the regular excuses didn’t work anymore. As an attempt to save the relationship, the person I was dating at the time pulled out the “let’s get married” card. At that point I wrote,”I Believe in Fairytales.” That had to be the reason I allowed this to transpire.

When you’ve been around someone long enough, you start to recognize certain patterns and/or indicators that tell you when an act of betrayal either has, or is currently taking place. In my case, he always addressed his lovers with a “Miss” before the first name. This wouldn’t be the first time and unfortunately I allowed years to go by before it would be the last. “I Just Can’t Do This,” featuring 88 K3yz derived from one of these acts of betrayal.

My song “Drug” is about being in a relationship with someone that you know is no good for you, but you continue to stay in it. I met his representative in 2007 while I was visiting Indiana. I had been living in New York for about 18 months at this time and was loving every bit of it. My childhood friend had introduced me to him and we exchanged numbers later that evening. Our connection was very refreshing to me as I was able to be myself and found that we had a lot of common interests.

I went back to New York and we continued to stay in touch. We would talk on the phone for hours and sometimes fall asleep on one another. When he told me he was planning to visit New York, I did not think he was serious. That is until he purchased a ticket which said he would be staying for about eight days. I became nervous and expressed this to my two roommates at the time. “What if I don’t feel the same way when I see him in person,” I asked? They told me not to worry and we would just cross that bridge when we got to it. When he arrived I was pleased that the chemistry was still present and my roommates approved of him as well. He appeared to be the perfect gentleman. We explored New York together, went to a concert in the park, and overall had a wonderful experience. He even ran a bath for me, which made me feel as though I was in a fairytale. Unfortunately for me, this fairytale became short-lived and shortly after this newfound relationship became my nightmare.

A couple of weeks after he had returned to Indiana, I received a message on MySpace from a woman he stated was his ex. She was inquiring about the pictures I had posted of who I refer to as “the representative” and myself. When she asked me how I knew him, I told her that he was my boyfriend. I thought to myself that this had to be a joke. When I brought up the situation to “the representative,” he assured me that this was nothing more than his ex-girlfriend stalking him. He told me that she would sometimes knock on his basement window begging to come in and that he was concerned for his safety and hers if he didn’t oblige. Let me just say that I am completely at fault for allowing this relationship to continue beyond this point.

I found myself waiting for “the representative” to come back and as the years went by, I discovered through the lies, disrespect, cheating, etc… that “the representative” was only present for the first 30 days. He had taken a hiatus and left me with this guy that I kept giving my time, energy, money, and heart to. The more I invested in this guy, the more I allowed myself to be taken advantage of. It was like a drug where you keep taking more and more because you are waiting for the effects to take place. How much did I have to take of it before “the representative,” the person that was so catering and seemed so genuine, would show up? Unfortunately, it took several years for me to realize that the guy I met within the first 30 days of our relationship was never coming back. Eventually, I started to detox the drug of this relationship from my system and eight years later, I was completely over it.

Now I’m going to take you through a process and I want you to think about whether or not this is your process or the process of someone you know.

Take the Time to Understand the White Lies…

You wake up at about noon because you stayed up the night before watching a drama series. You make up the bed, you wash some clothes, you clean up and then you relocate to the couch so you can continue watching the series. A few hours go by and you decide that you are going to be extra nice and cook dinner for your partner, who has been gone all day producing income. You do this same routine every single day and your partner does the same. Suddenly your partner seems unattentive, unresponsive, stressed out, and from your perspective, unappreciative. You tell yourself that your partner’s behavior is unacceptable, especially since you spent the day cleaning, cooking, washing, and watching television, but we can leave that last one out for now. After all, you deserve to be able to rest your feet after all of the things that you completed that day right? Wrong, but let’s just continue…

Now your partner seems to be leaving home earlier and staying out later and at this point, you feel this is just plain disrespectful. How dare your partner disrespect the household. This is totally inconsiderate, right? Once again, you’re wrong. You’ve told yourself that you deserve someone that comes home at a decent hour. You’ve convinced yourself that your partner should be grateful for the meals you’ve cooked and the fact that you cleaned up. You now start to feel unloved and unwanted and you can’t understand why your partner never takes you out anywhere or initiates doing anything with you. Well, let me help you understand these White Lies that you’ve told yourself. How much money did you make in the last 30 days with this daily routine you’ve developed? Would you be able to handle all of the financial responsibilities if your partner decided to leave and not come back? I’ll let that marinate…

Put the EFFORT into Recognizing the Purple Truth

If you’re in a relationship and you’re not producing income, everything you’re doing is null and void because your “partner” is the one carrying the weight. That’s great that you’re cooking, you’re cleaning, you’re intimate, you’re fun to be around, and perhaps when your partner comes home you create a household of high vibrations, but at the end of the day, you’re not producing income.

Do you know what happens when you’re not producing income? Your partner becomes stressed and will start eating out before coming home. Your partner becomes too tired for intimacy and the vibrations in your household that were once so high start to decrease. “Why,” you ask yourself? “I do everything,” is what you will tell yourself. The Purple Truth of the matter is “you” became the problem. You used to be the solution to a problem and by not producing you’ve turned into the problem that your partner will start, or may have already started looking for a solution to. So I’ll ask you again, do you want to be a partner or a dependent? Well, I want to be a partner. How about you?

Take Action to Change Your Circumstances

There are 24 hours in a day and you’re wasting about 16-20 of them, give or take a few hours for sleep. Do something different. A partnership requires T.E.A. (Time, Effort, Action) into every aspect of its existence. You’re exhausted because you’re utilizing the bulk of your energy in areas that are not generating income. Not only that, the remaining energy you have is being used to criticize all of the things your partner is not doing to appease your emotions. Emotions do not pay bills. When you begin to analyze the problems in your relationship, you should always start with self-evaluation. You should be focusing on what you can do to provide balance in your partnership and really take a moment to analyze which one of you is being selfish, inconsiderate, disrespectful, etc… You will never find a solution if you don’t fix the problem within yourself first. I did a segment on this subject on the Destini Unfiltered Podcast. Go check it out!