I want to clarify that I only wrote my own verses, the hook, and the break. This song was co-written with SWISHA. The song truly was the beginning of the end. It started out as me supporting a friend only to discover there was no reciprocity once I needed support to push the song. I discovered how important it is to understand who you surround yourself with as sometimes the ones closest to you are the same ones hoping that you will fail.
Sometimes when we don’t properly address our pain, it prevents us from fulfilling our purpose. It limits our opportunities and keeps us stagnant. When my dad passed away, he was determined to help me face my pain.
He knew that I had the ability to heal myself, but I could never do it with avoidance.
It was the subconscious intervention of my beloved father that
brought “The Conversation” to life.
Have you ever had a side chick call and ask you for advice? The side chick basically wants to be a better side chick for your fiancé, and you are the most qualified to guide her? No? Well, you’re in luck!
I have and this scenario along with others concerning a side chick that was responsible for the birth of my song, “Is You Mad or Nah?”
Produced by 88 K3yz and engineered by Finger Roll with No Tamin Entertainment.
How many of you are in relationships with someone who consistently lies, cheats, and betrays you? That was me. I reached a point where the regular excuses didn’t work anymore. As an attempt to save the relationship, the person I was dating at the time pulled out the “let’s get married” card. At that point I wrote,”I Believe in Fairytales.” That had to be the reason I allowed this to transpire.
When you’ve been around someone long enough, you start to recognize certain patterns and/or indicators that tell you when an act of betrayal either has, or is currently taking place. In my case, he always addressed his lovers with a “Miss” before the first name. This wouldn’t be the first time and unfortunately I allowed years to go by before it would be the last. “I Just Can’t Do This,” featuring 88 K3yz derived from one of these acts of betrayal.
My song “Drug” is about being in a relationship with someone that you know is no good for you, but you continue to stay in it. I met his representative in 2007 while I was visiting Indiana. I had been living in New York for about 18 months at this time and was loving every bit of it. My childhood friend had introduced me to him and we exchanged numbers later that evening. Our connection was very refreshing to me as I was able to be myself and found that we had a lot of common interests.
I went back to New York and we continued to stay in touch. We would talk on the phone for hours and sometimes fall asleep on one another. When he told me he was planning to visit New York, I did not think he was serious. That is until he purchased a ticket which said he would be staying for about eight days. I became nervous and expressed this to my two roommates at the time. “What if I don’t feel the same way when I see him in person,” I asked? They told me not to worry and we would just cross that bridge when we got to it. When he arrived I was pleased that the chemistry was still present and my roommates approved of him as well. He appeared to be the perfect gentleman. We explored New York together, went to a concert in the park, and overall had a wonderful experience. He even ran a bath for me, which made me feel as though I was in a fairytale. Unfortunately for me, this fairytale became short-lived and shortly after this newfound relationship became my nightmare.
A couple of weeks after he had returned to Indiana, I received a message on MySpace from a woman he stated was his ex. She was inquiring about the pictures I had posted of who I refer to as “the representative” and myself. When she asked me how I knew him, I told her that he was my boyfriend. I thought to myself that this had to be a joke. When I brought up the situation to “the representative,” he assured me that this was nothing more than his ex-girlfriend stalking him. He told me that she would sometimes knock on his basement window begging to come in and that he was concerned for his safety and hers if he didn’t oblige. Let me just say that I am completely at fault for allowing this relationship to continue beyond this point.
I found myself waiting for “the representative” to come back and as the years went by, I discovered through the lies, disrespect, cheating, etc… that “the representative” was only present for the first 30 days. He had taken a hiatus and left me with this guy that I kept giving my time, energy, money, and heart to. The more I invested in this guy, the more I allowed myself to be taken advantage of. It was like a drug where you keep taking more and more because you are waiting for the effects to take place. How much did I have to take of it before “the representative,” the person that was so catering and seemed so genuine, would show up? Unfortunately, it took several years for me to realize that the guy I met within the first 30 days of our relationship was never coming back. Eventually, I started to detox the drug of this relationship from my system and eight years later, I was completely over it.
I wrote the song “Bust Down” about four years ago. I encouraged a friend of mine to go to a videoshoot that I found for her on craigslist. After a lot of encouragement she finally went and met a rapper/producer named Swisha. A few weeks later she invited me to the studio he records at for the opportunity to sing. I was so happy to go to the studio and even more excited that she had thought of me. We arrived a little bit later than we were supposed to and I apologized to her boyfriend for the tardiness because I wanted to be respectful of his time. He accepted my apology and we got to work. I can’t remember all of the people that were in the studio, but it was definitely a vibe. Collectively, the engineers, her boyfriend and I came up with the title “Bust Down” and I embraced the opportunity to do something different.
You see I am always writing ballads and love songs and this gave me an opportunity to expand my sound musically, a challenge I’m always open to. I started writing the song from beginning to end inside of the studio and it was time to record. I killed it! I made this song exclusively for the love of my life. Instead of the term “Bust Down” being used as something negative or inappropriate, my concept made it okay to be creatively open and flirtatious with your man. “Bust Down” for me meant “Come Through” for this love I have for you and only you. Everyone in the studio seemed to be so supportive and happy about the track, well almost everyone.
The events that took place that evening changed the dynamic of our friendship. This wasn’t the first encounter where I felt completely humiliated and disrespected and unfortunately, it would not be the last. I covering up the purple truths of the relationship for years and as time progressed, it became harder and harder to paint it with white lies.
My subconscious came to a breaking point and eventually I would come to recognize the breadcrumbs it had been leaving for me. I’ve learned that you can’t elevate when you are in denial, when you surround yourself with white lies, when you refuse to believe what people are showing you. However, at this point in time my mindset had not elevated enough to learn this lesson, but my subconscious knew better. As more situations took place I began to pay closer attention to my subconscious interventions.
I included this situation in my audiobook “White Lies, Purple Truths: Behind the Music” because of the impact it had on me. If you want to know more details of this story and listen to my song “Bust Down,” you can subscribe to my podcast by clicking the link below:
It is important that you understand your purpose in life and surround yourself with energy that is supportive of your purpose. When people show you who they are and lack the reciprocity required to meet you on your level, you must believe them and make the appropriate adjustments for your life.
Just because certain people are not meant to be on your life path, does not make them bad people, it just means that you are your first priority and anything not conducive with your happiness, your well-being and your purpose must be removed in order for you to be the best version of yourself. You have to decide whether or not you want to be stagnant, or grow. I was stagnant for years until I removed any and everything that did not fulfill my purpose. I learned the Purple Lesson because I wanted to grow.
Now I’m going to take you through a process and I want you to think about whether or not this is your process or the process of someone you know.
Take the Time to Understand the White Lies…
You wake up at about noon because you stayed up the night before watching a drama series. You make up the bed, you wash some clothes, you clean up and then you relocate to the couch so you can continue watching the series. A few hours go by and you decide that you are going to be extra nice and cook dinner for your partner, who has been gone all day producing income. You do this same routine every single day and your partner does the same. Suddenly your partner seems unattentive, unresponsive, stressed out, and from your perspective, unappreciative. You tell yourself that your partner’s behavior is unacceptable, especially since you spent the day cleaning, cooking, washing, and watching television, but we can leave that last one out for now. After all, you deserve to be able to rest your feet after all of the things that you completed that day right? Wrong, but let’s just continue…
Now your partner seems to be leaving home earlier and staying out later and at this point, you feel this is just plain disrespectful. How dare your partner disrespect the household. This is totally inconsiderate, right? Once again, you’re wrong. You’ve told yourself that you deserve someone that comes home at a decent hour. You’ve convinced yourself that your partner should be grateful for the meals you’ve cooked and the fact that you cleaned up. You now start to feel unloved and unwanted and you can’t understand why your partner never takes you out anywhere or initiates doing anything with you. Well, let me help you understand these White Lies that you’ve told yourself. How much money did you make in the last 30 days with this daily routine you’ve developed? Would you be able to handle all of the financial responsibilities if your partner decided to leave and not come back? I’ll let that marinate…
Put the EFFORT into Recognizing the Purple Truth
If you’re in a relationship and you’re not producing income, everything you’re doing is null and void because your “partner” is the one carrying the weight. That’s great that you’re cooking, you’re cleaning, you’re intimate, you’re fun to be around, and perhaps when your partner comes home you create a household of high vibrations, but at the end of the day, you’re not producing income.
Do you know what happens when you’re not producing income? Your partner becomes stressed and will start eating out before coming home. Your partner becomes too tired for intimacy and the vibrations in your household that were once so high start to decrease. “Why,” you ask yourself? “I do everything,” is what you will tell yourself. The Purple Truth of the matter is “you” became the problem. You used to be the solution to a problem and by not producing you’ve turned into the problem that your partner will start, or may have already started looking for a solution to. So I’ll ask you again, do you want to be a partner or a dependent? Well, I want to be a partner. How about you?
Take Action to Change Your Circumstances
There are 24 hours in a day and you’re wasting about 16-20 of them, give or take a few hours for sleep. Do something different. A partnership requires T.E.A. (Time, Effort, Action) into every aspect of its existence. You’re exhausted because you’re utilizing the bulk of your energy in areas that are not generating income. Not only that, the remaining energy you have is being used to criticize all of the things your partner is not doing to appease your emotions. Emotions do not pay bills. When you begin to analyze the problems in your relationship, you should always start with self-evaluation. You should be focusing on what you can do to provide balance in your partnership and really take a moment to analyze which one of you is being selfish, inconsiderate, disrespectful, etc… You will never find a solution if you don’t fix the problem within yourself first. I did a segment on this subject on the Destini Unfiltered Podcast. Go check it out!